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In My Head

Hi all, I don’t have too much time as I gear up to my first gig at giving a workshop. I’m getting a bit nervous…Lord, I hope I don’t bore everyone …no, no, no….I’ll be fine…Won’t it?…sure it will…no worries…right?

Ha! In a week’s time it will all be over and I can find something else to obsess about. What? You don’t know about the workshop thingy? Well, let me tell you..Nah! Just read the flyer below…

Beautiful Balgal Beach has plenty of camping/caravan sites. Come and make a week-end of it. You’ll fall in love with it.

On the writing front, I am slowly getting back into things, but right now I have to leave

P.S. Here is something a little strange that came to me last week. ENJOY!

WELCOME TO MY WORLD

It’s 3 a.m. and there is a bored meeting going on in my head. All the big-wigs are there, the minor feelings and senses will follow their leaders without thought or hesitation. Even if they have to be pushed into it a little, they will obey because that is their nature.

The Nerves are here tuning up under the pessimistic baton of Anxiety, who has obviously been drinking the heady nectar of Worry-wort. She has The Nerves singing in discordant rounds of where, when, why and what ifs.

Let’s see. There’s the CEOs of the Office of Emotions, Happiness and Anger; arguing as usual; Happy is annoying Anger by singing and laughing at the slightest provocation. I’m with Anger, Happy can be sooooo aggravating, but there’s no need for Anger to indulge in all that shouting and hyperbole. She’s being downright rude. We all tell her to pull her head in. Now she sits slumped in her chair, staring at the desk, arms crossed over her chest, ignoring everyone, refusing to speak even when spoken to.

The Department of Commonsense has sent along Strength, Perseverance and Endurance, who support each other through the toughest of times. They have no problem with each other, except that Strength can’t understand why the other two need propping up all the time. She can be a terrific bully if not held in check. Endurance is going on and on about her trials and tribulations. Perseverance doesn’t say much, just nods until she’s dizzy, falls off her chair, picks herself up and carries on as though nothing happened. She’s a bit weird like that.

The Bureau of Neatness and Order is here, holding hands as always. They are Siamese twins. Order tries to ensure we are all in the correct place and take our turns in giving our opinions. Neatness follows behind straightening the pads and pencils obsessively. She wipes up spills over and over, and frankly, gets in the way of our business.

The triplets Confusion, Disinterest and Inattention, are flicking spit-balls and tossing paper planes at everyone else. They keep getting out of place and mucking up all the hard work of the others, while their big brother, Chaos, rubs his hands and laughs at their antics.

The noise level in here is awful. Everyone wants their opinion to hold sway, but I can’t sort one out from the others. I do wish Confusion would shut the hell up. I’m getting a headache.

Oh dear, that’s animated Anger again. She is trying to shove Happiness out, but instead has opened the door to Sadness, who’s moaning and wailing, drowning in very real and sometimes imagined lakes of despair. She over-rides all other voices for a moment, but Strength, Endurance and Perseverance have taken her in hand and led her to her chair. Her noise abates, with only the occasional hiccup and wiping of a tear to let me know she’s not too far away.

Anger raps the table loudly, and into the following stillness says, ‘I’m sorry…

Uh oh, ‘schlop!’ a spit-ball stings Anger’s cheek and a paper plane lodges in her wild and woolly hair. She loses it; grabs daydreaming Disinterest, pinning her to the wall. Confusion washes over them both and Inattention leaps into the fray pointing to Sadness who is ramping up to a howl, again.

Happiness has gone AWOL.

Anger shakes off her assailants and lashes out at anyone and everyone. She takes a memory off the wall and bashes them with it until the original, true picture is unrecognisable, just another weapon in Anger’s armoury. Meanwhile, Pandemonium rushes in and eggs them all on. The noise level rises.

My head is going to explode. Strength, Perseverance and Endurance stand back against the wall, trying to keep out of the way and stop Sadness from taking over the podium. Papers, abuse and fists are flying. Water-colour memories, already faded and misty with time, are irreparably damaged. Strength wants to bash heir heads together, but Endurance and Perseverance convince her to stay strong.

Chaos has torn up today’s agenda, and throws the pieces into the air like confetti. The Nerves are strung out, plucking at the high, sharp notes. Anxiety winds them up to fever pitch, making every breath an effort, every muscle quivers.

Self-doubt is standing in the corner, where she has been hiding in plain-sight the whole time. She’s staring out at the madness from her self-imposed gloom with large fear-filled eyes. She’s being poked and prodded by Anger and Confusion. She sends out a warning tremor quickly followed by a tsunami of negativity.

Hurt creeps in and hugs both her and Sadness, assuring them they have every reason for their over-the-top reactions. Hurt settles but continues to tremble in an ague affecting the whole body.

Despite the cacophony in my head, my ears pick up an early morning trill. I open my windows to see a small light touching the horizon of a new day, slowly easing out darkness.

Calmness floats in on the slow sunrise. She hugs Anxiety, eases the baton from her tight-clenched fist and conducts The Nerves to a slower, more easeful beat. They respond slowly, loosening their grips and lightening their touch. Calmness now wafts around the room touching first one then another of the more disruptive elements. Confetti and paper planes drift to the floor.

Pandemonium and Chaos slink out the door as Neatness and Order sidle back in, just in front of Kindness, Hope and Love. Neatness sweeps up the debris and places pads and pencils back on the table, just so. Order rights the overturned chairs and directs us all to take our rightful seats, whispering, ‘There, there. We all have our parts to play. We just have to know our place in the pecking order.’

Calm talks from the notes of the morning chorus; the warble of the magpies, the raucous call of cockatoos, the soft cooing of doves and pigeons and the cheerful ‘chip-chip’ of the sunbirds.

Happiness, who had fainted clean away, is revived if not fully restored. She is paler and thinner than usual. Kookaburra fills her with a feast of ribald laughter, fey enough to make anybody smile.

With Calmness now reigning at the head of the table, I speak. ‘Let’s go for a long walk in the crisp morning air through the natural world. The path lies clear before us, all we have to do is tread it. But, first…group hug!’

Endurance is first on her feet, a most willing participant. Perseverance and Strength are close behind. Sadness and Hurt join Anxiety in moving more slowly forward; wanting comfort, but afraid they will get lost, or even killed in the crush. Neatness and Order check the room for stragglers and step up. All of us are encircled by the gentle embrace of Calmness, Hope, Love and Kindness. We move closer together, coalesce into a whole. Happiness rises from the centre.

I embrace them all, reassured that they each have their part to play in my life. If we stick together we can conquer anything. We walk as one into the call of the new day.

Look. It’s not always this mad in here, but yesterday was hard; things were said, injuries sustained, old wounds re-opened. The many me,s needed the promise of the new dawn to bring in The Calm, which allows Kindness, Hope and Love to enter. (c) Rosa Christian

By rosepoetartist

aka Percy Rose
Novelist
Poet
Playwright
Artist

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